Jokes or riddles to share… anyone??!! Keep it clean, remember!
This one’s really old…
A man rides out of town on Friday, stays away for one full week, and comes back on a Wednesday. How is that possible?
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Why did the boy ask his dad to come to school with him?
To take a POP quiz!
HA HA HA!!!
why did the chicken cross the road??
to get to the other side! ha…um…thats all i got…ill think of a different one later. yeah……. but, this IS a good idea to have a joke section.
I know a place to get riddles
riddlenut.com
its great anyways i know the riddle answer……..
he came into town on a horse named friday
also heres mine……
How many letters are in the alphabet
you would say 26 but your wrong
the answer is….
11 T-H-E-A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T
Laugh Out Loud
Good one, Ashton! Uh, Shannon, that one IS old! But it’s still good!
Okay, you got me on the horse riddle, too!
Riddle:Two boys and a man need to cross a river. They can only use the canoe. It will hold only the man OR the two boys’ weight. How can they all get across safely?
Answer:The two boys go across. One of them get out. The other one goes back. He gets out and the man gets in. He goes across. Then the man gets out and the other boy gets in and goes across. Then the boy that was left gets in and now they both go across together
Riddle:There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is Five Feet ten inches, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh?
Answer:Meat…..lol
Riddle:You walk up to a mountain that has two paths. One leads to the other side of the mountain, and the other will get you lost forever. Two twins know the path that leads to the other side. You can ask them only one question. Except! One lies and one tells the truth, and you don’t know which is which. So, What do you ask?
Answer:You ask each twin What would your brother say?. This works because…. Well let’s say the correct path is on the left side. So say you asked the liar “What would your brother say?” Well, the liar would know his brother was honest and he would say the left side, but since the liar lies, he would say right. If you asked the honest twin the same question, he would say right, because he knows his brother will lie. Therefore, you would know that the correct path was the left!
I like riddles a lot!
Riddle:Mountains will crumble and temples will fall, and no man can survive its endless call. What is it?
Answer:Time
Nicholas, great riddles! I hope you are feeling better ’cause you have way too much time on your hands!!! Thanks for sharing these. They’re terrific. The last one sounds like Bilbo Baggins; is it?
What animal says oom, oom, oom, backwards?
Answer: A cow
a man has a barrel and it weighs 20 lbs. he puts something in it and now it weighs less than 20 lbs.
what did he put in it?
Answer: a hole
There is a town in Texas where 5% of all the people living there have unlisted phone numbers. If you selected 100 names at random from the town’s phone directory, on average, how
many of these people would have unlisted phone numbers?
answer:None. You will not find unlisted phone numbers in a phone directory.
How many of each type of animal did Moses take on the Ark?
answer: None…Moses didn’t take them on the ark…Noah did.
Take one out and scratch my head, I am now black but once was red.
What am I?
Answer: a match
The 22nd and 24th presidents of the United States had the same mother and the same father, but were not brothers. How can this be possible?
answer: They were the same man. Grover Cleveland served two terms as president of the United
States, but the terms were not consecutive.
Wow! These are funny ones! Clever, too. I like the barrel one the best.
This one’s an oldie, too:
What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, rich people want it but poor people have it, and if you eat it, you will die?
?=where does a cow have birth
answer=cafeteria
Calf-a-teria! Clever!
Oh, i know the answer…..
Nothing!!!!
i know almost every riddle…
that was too easy
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the GUTS!
Laugh Out Loud
Rolling on the floor laughing
laughing in the inside
Brad Doe works for a packaging company. One day, he received four separate orders and accidently mixed up the addresses, so he applied the address labels at random. What is the probability that exactly three packages were correctly labeled?
answer Zero. If three packages are correctly labeled, then so is the fourth.
Note: this riddle must be done in your head and not using pencil and paper.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Now add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
answer Most people will answer 5000, but the correct answer is 4100.
“Now” you can use pencil and paper
A magician, had a water glass that was filled to the top. Holding the glass above his head he let it drop to the carpet without spilling a single drop of water.
How could he manage to drop the glass from a height of six feet and not spill any water?
answer The glass was filled, but not with water. >: )
I am the center of gravity, hold a capital situation in Vienna, and as I am foremost in every victory, am allowed by all to be invaluable. Though I am invisible, I am clearly seen in the midst of a river. I could name three who are in love with me and have three associates in vice. It is vain that you seek me for I have long been in heaven yet even now lie embalmed in the grave. What am I?
answer The letter “V”.
Wow. Where do you get all these great riddles, Ashton?!?
I Know alot of people who know alot of riddles
On a fine sunny day a ship was in the harbor. All of a sudden the ship began to sink. There was no storm and nothing wrong with the ship yet it sank right in front of the spectators eyes.
What caused the ship to sink?
answer: The “Submarine” Captain ordered the crew to dive. : )
Laugh Out Loud
Rolling On Floor Laughing
A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.
The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?
Answer: It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on Sunday! (next day air and email doesn’t count)
what state has 3 dots in a row
Answer: FIJI
i dont get diana’s joke.
I didn’t get Diana’s joke either. But here’s one from me. It’s really old too and has a LOT of answers to it but here’s mine:
Q: What’s black, white, and red all over?
A: A penguin with a rash!
(they’re smiley faces!)
(( tilt your head and you’ll see it))
Never mind! i didnt know that the smiley faces would turn into actual ones- if that makes any sense at all…….:)
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
I f you overtake the last person, then you are…?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn’t.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
He just has to open his mouth and ask
I guarantee,” said the salesman in the pet shop, “that this purple parrot will repeat every word it hears.” A customer bought the bird, but found that the parrot wouldn’t speak a single word. Nevertheless, what the salesman said was true.
How could this be?
Answer:The parrot was deaf. : )
what did the doctor say to the dwarf???????
Answer:your gonna have to be a little patient!!!!
get it!!!! you is small like little and he has to wait!!!!
i know is not that funny
How about “I’ll be with you Shortly.”
3 guys go fishing in a tiny boat. and the boat tips over. only 2 of the men’s hair gets wet? why?
answer-the third is bald.
Q: What do you call a simple potato?
A: a common tater!
P.S i spelled tater wrong…..i think……I got this joke from TAY!
Ok, I have one.
You leave your home. You go right, then left, then left, then left one more time. When you arrive back home, there are two guys with masks on. Where are you?
Also, bonus points to anyone who can guess who I am. (Hint: I am in 8th grade. I had Mrs Maus 6th and 7th grade)
the people at home are the catcher and the umpire, you ran the bases!!!
A Honest Politician, A Kind Lawyer, And Santa Claus Are Walking Down The Street And See A 20 Dollar Bill On The Ground. Which One Picked It Up?
Santa, The Other Two Dont Exist!!!
santa doesn’t exsit
how do you guys not get diana’s joke. It’s very simple.
FIJI= Fiji
see the three i’s in a row!!!
This one is very obvious!
Riddle: A man With a one story house wants to paint his house all green! He paints the floors, bathrooms, cabinets and basically everyhting else green. What color does he paint the stairs?
Answer: the house is a one story house!
;D
Thsi one is ok?! :S
Riddle: There is a very rich man who was “stolen” on a sunday morning.
The police have three suspects: the butler, the chef, and the maid. The butler claims he was clearing the table. The chef said he was washing the dishes. The maid said she was getting the mail.
Who stole the man?
the maid….theres no mail on sunday
ok im not in 7th grade anymore…..
Heres a good 1: You are stuck in a cement room with no windows, and no doors, and there is nothing in there except for a wooden table and a mirror. How do get out?
Answer: You look in the mirror, see what you saw, take the saw, cut the table in half, two half’s make a whole, you jump through the hole and get out.
Its kinda tricky but you’ll get it eventually!
Heres one kinda like the last 1 i posted: You are stuck in the exact same room, but this time instead of a table and mirror, there is a piano and a lock. How do you get out.
Answer: Get a key from the piano, open the lock and your free!
Heres one: A farmer has to transport a fox, a goose and a sack of grain across a river. The boat is so small that there is room only for him and one of the others at a time, but if he leaves the fox and goose together the fox will kill the goose, and if the goose and the sack of grain are left together the goose will eat the grain. How does he get them all over?
Answer: 1st journey takes goose only, leaving fox and grain. Returns leaving goose on other side. 2nd journey takes fox over, leave fox on other side, returns with goose. 3rd journey takes grain over leaving on the other side with fox. Returns and picks up goose again taking it over on the 4th journey.
Ooh! Heres a tricky one: What can run, but never walks, has a mouth, but never talks, has a head but never weeps, and has a bed, but never sleeps?
Answer: A river!
General George, accused of high treason, is sentenced to death by the court-martial. He is allowed to make a final statement, after which he will be shot if the statement is false or will be hung if the statement is true. The General makes his final statement and is released. What did he say?
Answer: he said ” I will be shot” If this statement was true, he would have been hung and not shot. But then his statement would be false, which implies that he should be shot, making the statement true again, etc… In other words: the verdict of the court-martial could not be executed and the general was released.
Zack! You’re hilarious! Just because you are a big 8th grader doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate great humor and intriguing riddles like Eliana’s!! KEEP POSTING! I LOVE THESE!
Eliana, these are fabulous riddles! Where do you get them all?
I have some plexers!!
HE
NOWH RE
Yea Zach nobody is too old for jokes and riddles. I mean I am in 8th grade too and I find these jokes very funny!! :0
NO PEEKING AT THE ANSWER BEFORE THE QUESTION then its not funny
Imagine your a bus driver. 2 people go in the bus and 5 people go out on the first stop. On the second stop, 7 people go out of the bus and 1 person goes in. On the third stop 8 people go in the bus and 7 people go out of the bus. What color is the bus drivers eyes?
it’s the color of ur eyes remember YOUR the bus driver.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
Answer: Tooth Hurty
How did the telephone propose to the lady?
Answer: It gave her a ring
A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday, stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
Answer: His hores’s name is Friday.
A girl is as old as her brother and half as old as her father. In 22 years, her brother will be half as old as his father. How old is the daughter now?
Answer: 22 years old
A king decided to let a prisoner try to escape the prison with his life. The king placed 2 marbles in the jar that was glued to a table. One of the marbles was supposed to be black, and one was supposed to be blue.
If the prisoner could pick the blue marble, he would escape the prison with his life. If he picked the black marble, he would be executed. However, the king was very mean, and he wickedly placed 2 black marbles in the jars and no blue marbles. The prisoner witnesses the king only putting 2 black marbles in the jars.
If the jar was not see- through and the jar was glued to the table and that the prisoner was mute so he could not say anything, how did he escape with his life?
Answer:The prisoner grabbed one of the marbles from the jar and concealed it in his hand. He then swwallowed it, and picked up the the other marble and showed everyone. The marble was black, and since the other marble was swallowed, it was assumed to be the blue one. So the mean king had to set him free.
Leanne, great plexer!! I love these! I finally got it! At first I thought it was “he was nowhere to be found.” This morning I realized it’s “he came out of nowhere!”
Maybe I can come by everyday with a plexer!! I’ll try to find some of my own since they are from Mrs. Quirarte. I love the dentist joke that I posted earlier!! It’s just sooo funny.
I hava another plexer for you!! Are you ready? Here it is:
IFLAND IFIFC
its one if by land and two ifs by sea
Nicholas! Good for you!
Rail Road crossing watch out for cars. Can you spell that with out any R’s?
ANSWER: that. Get it? Can you spell THAT with out any R’s?
Bob loves to read. Every night he gets in bed and reads a good book. There’s one problem: Bob’s room has no windows or doors, but he still manages to read his books. How does he do this?
ANSWER: Bob is blind.
ok there is a country it has a north and south whenever the southern people go to the north they tell lies when the northern people go to the south they tell lies.
so if you ask a man where you are and he says he is a southerner and he is in the south
Is he telling the truth? Who is he and where are you and him?
Why was the baby ant confused?
Answer: Because all of his uncles were ants.
Why was the broom late for work?
Answer: Because he over- swept!
:O) Okay, this is hilarious, Leanne. May I use this one?
More plexers!:
o_er_t_o_
Plexer:
lang4uage
plexer:
elseveven
plexer:
stefrankin
plexer:
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O
plexer:
1. glance
2.
3. glance
4. glance
5. glance
plexer:
3. OUT
2. OUT
1. OUT
Mrs. Maus’s guess: Ummm…. 3 strikes, you’re out?
Wanna hear (or read) a dirty joke?
I fell in the mud.
Sevana! Why, I never… oh, yes, I have heard that one!!
)
Wow! Mrs. Maus you are really good at these!! Yes you may use the broom joke. Hey Nicholas! You know the answer to IFLAND IFIFC because you are in my math class, 6th period Algebra with Mrs. Quirarte!!
plexer:
thought an
plexer:
go it it it it
plexer:
take pets
22222222 day
S S S S
B B B B
A A A A
R R R R
G G G G
RIVERD TAES
Plexer:
CHOICE X 3
What do you get when you cross a karate expert with a pig?
Answer: a porkchop
What do you get when you cross a ghost and a cat?
Answer: A scaredy cat
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock. Knock.
Who’s There ?!?!
ORANGE.
ORANGE who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say BANANA!!
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?
Gosh don’t cry it’s just a knock knock joke.
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Cutch.
Cutch who?
Bless you!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the disco?
Answer He had no-body to go with!!!!
Will you remember me in 2 minutes?
Yes.
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Hey you didn’t remember me!!!
Leanne the lang4uage one is “foreign language” right?
yes it is Nicholas!
This one isn’t so good:
When the farmer said, “Hey, how’s it going” to his wife what did the horse think of?
answer: FOOD (hey=hay)
This is Science related:
What did the Female Fungus say to the Male Fungus?
A- Your a FUNGI !!
Get It….Fun Guy and two fungus’ are a Fungi!! hah!
a penguin walks into a bar and says ouch
I sleep by day, I fly by night. I have no feathers to aid my flight. I have no engine but have a wing.
What am I?
Answer= A bat
In a very rainy day, a really rich guy was killed. The suspects were the maid, the chef and the gardeneer. The police asked what was everybody doiing when the guy was killed: “I was cleaning the house”, said the maid. “I was cooking dinner”, said the chef. “I was watering the plants”, said the gardeneer.
WHO WAS THE KILLER?
A. The gardeneer, how could he be watering the plants if it was raining?!?!?
ok, two hunters go into the forest and one of them got mauled by a bear. the other hunter calls the cops and he asks “what will i do” the receiver responds with “well, first make sure he is dead” the receiver hears a gunshot. and the hunter comes back on and says “what now”!!!!!!
you get it he just killed his friend OR DID HE???
Q – How many tennis players does it take to put in a lightbulb.
A – What do you mean it was out, it was in!!
joke: there was a mother tomato and a daughter tomato walking together, the daughter was walking really slow and the mother tomato kept on telling her to hurry up but she never did so the mother finally turned around annd stepped on her daughter and said KETCHUP!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Sydney, I love that one.
Joke:
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Kenyon
Kenyon Who?
Gosh, you dont know my last name already?
And thats all I got…
Why did Mrs. tomato blush???
’cause she saw Mr. green pea
why did the chiken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!
really good riddle
You find a man lying face down in a flat turane with a box beside him, something in that box would of saved his life, what was it
It was a parachute
Q:There was a huge plane crash, and every single person died. Who survied
A: The Couples
What do you get when you mix a dinosaur and a mouse and a pig
I dont know i dont think anyone else does either
HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa
i dont get yours mitch.
Hi Kate,
Every SINGLE person died–not the married ones!
what do you do if a tiger chaces you going 60 miles an hour
you go 70 miles an hour
mr green lives in the green house
mr black lives in the black house
mr yellow lives in the yellow house
mr bue lives in the blue house
WHO lives in the white house
mr white
no the president LOL
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”
how many f’s are in this sentence
my friend went with your friend to the friends friend store
answer to the last joke
1
how many f’s are in THIS sentence
not the next one
i live above a star , but i do not burn. i have 11 neighbours, but they do not turn. my initials are p, q ,r and sometimes s…..what am i?
the number 7 on your phone!!